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Dave Barry Answers Alert Slashdot Readers' Questions

Roblimo posted more than 11 years ago | from the we-are-not-making-this-up dept.

It's funny.  Laugh. 355

Here you go, direct from the keyboard of Pulitzer Prize-winning columnist Dave Barry. You asked, he answered. Why, we do not know. We didn't pay him $127,000 to do this, no matter what anyone says. It must be a slow news week in Miami. Or worse -- and this is a scary thought -- maybe Dave likes Slashdot readers and wants you all to like him, too.

1) It's me, Dave
by digitalhermit

Dave:

You should remember me. I'm the guy that shook hands with you that day, two years ago, during the Tropic Hunt in Hollywood. You also signed the napkin I found near the garbage can. I know that it was a clue, but I don't understand why you didn't mention it when you read off the official answers to the Hunt. Clearly the contents were a reference to your many columns on boogers. I still have that napkin and will return it to as soon as you send me your home address.

Anyway, my question is:

How has your life changed since you won a Pullet Surprise? Is the fame and money and gorgeous babes throwing themselves at your feet worth it?

Kwan

PS How much do I need to pay you to get my name in one of your next columns?

Dave:

The best thing about winning the Pulitzer is, about once every ten years you can say (or write) to some jerk who is attacking you in a nasty manner: "Oh yeah? Well I won the Pulitzer." Actually, come to think of it, you can say this even if you DIDN'T win the Pulitzer. Nobody ever checks.

But there are no babes, with the Pulitzer. And the money is (at least when I won) $3,000, which is about what you spend on beer for your friends when you win the Pulitzer.

2) Humour in times of crises
by Anonymous Coward

Hey Dave,

I'm curious about what you think about humour (Canadian spelling) in times of crises. Just before 9/11, I read Bob Hope's autobiography dealing with Pearl Harbour and how important everyone thought it was to keep people laughing because a) it was important for morale and b) it was important to show the Japanese that they hadn't destroyed what it meant to be American.

This doesn't seem to be the case at all after 9/11 (and most recently the loss of Columbia), with the most glaring example being the removal of the Spider-Man trailer (catching a helicopter in a web strung between the two World Trade towers).

What are your thoughts on this and of humour in times of crises in general?

Dave:

I think we in the humor business were fairly self-conscious right after 9-11, but pretty quickly we got back to what we do, which is try to amuse people. I think we do this more to make people like us than to meet any deep national psychic need. Also most of us have no useful skills to fall back on.

So to the extent that humor changes in times of crisis -- and I don't think it does much -- it's more because that's what we think the audience wants. And pretty soon the audience goes back to whatever it thought was funny before.

3) Corruption in Miami City Government
by Nova Express

Dear Dave,

Once you characterized Miami's endemic corruption (and here I would like to note that Endemic Corruption is a good name for a rock band) was so pervasive that Miami would benefit by being taken over by the Mafia, since then at least COMPETENT criminals would be running the city. In light of that, I'd like to ask you: What's the strangest thing you've ever lit on fire?

Whoops, sorry, that was the FBI Carnivore guys monitoring my computer who slipped that last one in. (Motto: "You're Not Authorized to Know Our Motto.") No, the real question is, has Miami's corruption gotten better or worse since you wrote that, and what would you and Carl Hiaasen do if Miami eliminated its Supersized Corruption and merely went with the Small Corruption with Fries enjoyed by other large American cities?

Dave:

I think it's as bad as it ever was, but maybe a little smarter. And if Miami ever straightened itself out, Carl would become a bonefishing guide, and I would become... I dunno. Maybe a bonefish.

4) Joke Tracking Center
by long_john_stewart_mi

In "Dave Barry's Greatest Hits", there was a column entitled "Public-Spirited Citizens Such As You" where you talk about a joke that answers the question, "Why is Walter Mondale nicknamed 'Fritz'?" You ask that everybody write in to The Joke Tracking Center as soon as they hear the joke. I haven't heard the joke, and that question has been keeping me up all night for the past 10 years. Why is Walter Mondale nicknamed Fritz? Also, does The Joke Tracking Center employ bad joke/pun writers? My dad is currently unemployed, and I'm sure he would fit right in.

Dave:

The original joke -- revealed here for the first time -- is that Walter Mondale is called "Fritz" because there is no Norwegian name for "Peckerhead." That may not sound funny now, but, trust me, it was also not funny when I first thought it up. It's HARD to think up jokes. This is probably why the Joke Tracking Center didn't work out. It was supposed to be based on the hurricane-tracking center. The idea was, we would insert a new joke into the nation (I believe we inserted it in Ohio) and then track it as it spread. But the Mondale joke was SO bad that nobody bothered to repeat it, and it died. So did the Joke Tracking Center, which has no organization and no employees. But it still gets junk mail. Which leads us to the obvious question...

5) Obvious Question
by Alien54

What would be your ideal solution for Spam (as in Internet Junk E-mail?)

I've had a good response to the idea of an internet spammer hunting license or season, complete with cute orange ear tags for the spammers.

Dave:

Maybe the solution is for us to stop being so negative. Maybe we should actually buy all the spammers' products -- their low-interest mortgages, and their penis enlargers -- so they will become rich and happy and mellow, and they will decide voluntarily to stop hassling us.

Just kidding! I favor castration.

6) Who are we?
by chrysrobyn

Mr. Barry,

As a nationally syndicated author, you're in quite a high profile position. I have no doubt that, had this interview not come up, you'd be busy doing things you get paid to do.

That said, why did you agree to do this interview? Did you think it would be a neat thing to do? Is this another way for people to learn about your column, or are you learning more about what's on the minds of your readers? Are we going to get our own article written about us (no doubt that would be a funny and possibly humbling experience)? As someone from "the outside world", do you see us as a bunch of people with wide backgrounds and experiences, or are we the teenage boy group that TV tells us owns and authors the internet?

Dave:

I agreed to do this interview because I really and truly want to interact with you, my readers. Also, Slashdot is paying me $127,000.

6a) (addon/followup) by Mr Guy

Also, if you respond to this interview while drunk, is there the dangerous possibility your drinks would be tax deductible?

Dave:

That is a risk I am willing to take.

7) Personal Technology Wishes
by Nonsanity

Looking forward based on today's cutting-edge research (the sort of news Slashdot often reports), what technology do you find yourself impatient to get your hands on today, or which technologies aren't advancing as fast as you would wish?

Dave:

I'm always looking for a newer, smaller, lighter laptop computer. I want a laptop so small and light that sometimes I accidentally suck it up one of my nostrils. I also would like to have a cell phone that enabled me to jam the cell phones of people around me.

8) Hiroshima
by Bonker

Mr. Barry... I own several of your books, as well as a copy of the 'Big Trouble' movie. (I hope you're getting some kind of royalties for that...). In all of your writing, the piece that I felt was the most powerful was your segment on visting Hiroshima in 'Dave Barry does Japan' and witnessing the holiday celbrated in rememberance of the bombing. You've written a few more very serious pieces, such as the column on your visit to one of the 9-11 crash sites.

My question is why do you not do more serious columns and articles like these more often? While I think that your columns and humor articles are great (milk-through the nose funny, frequently) I can't help but feel that the Hiroshima and 9-11 articles were better.

Dave:

First, thank you. Second, my bread and butter (and of course beer) comes from writing humor; this is how I make my living, and this is what the newspapers who publish my weekly column expect from me. I sometimes like the challenge of writing serious pieces, but usually this is when I'm faced with a really serious topic -- such as 9-11 or Hiroshima -- that forces me to be somber. Usually I don't WANT to be somber.

9) When you vote....
by Anonymous Coward

When you vote, do you vote for the candidate that is going to make your job easier as a humor columnist? Or do you actually try to vote for the best canditate?

Dave:

I look at all the attributes of each candidate -- philosophy, integrity, experience -- and then I vote for myself.

10) How much fame?
by cpeikert

Dave,

are you often recognized "on the street"? What I mean is, you're obviously very famous and have tons of fans. But at the same time, I get the sense that you have more of a "cult" following and maybe aren't as well-recognized as, say, Ben Affleck or Chris Rock. Do you have to change your daily routine to avoid being swarmed by adoring fans, or do or do you enjoy relative anonymity in your daily life?

PS - you recently wrote that Michigan ranked among the stupidest states because we have an "official state soil." I heartily agree, but boy did your column provoke some angry letters in the Kalamazoo Gazette!

Dave:

I get recognized a fair amount in Miami, but it's a low-key thing; people sometimes say hello, or compliment me on a column, or fire a revolver my way, but usually they deliberately aim for an extremity. Outside of Miami, I get recognized occasionally, but it's not a regular thing, except of course in Kalamazoo, where I am a god.

Free bonus question: Is it painfull
by geekoid

Dave,

Is it painfull to read all these attempts at asking a 'funny' question?

Dave:

These questions were supposed to be funny?

---

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355 comments

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Davy! (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5326714)

Dave Barry is a fuckin' whore!

Re:Davy! (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5326758)

yooohooo MY first post EVER!!!

No Ninnle? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5326863)

Didn't ANYBODY think to ask him the obvious question? I'd really like to know if he uses Ninnle Linux.

Commie. (0)

DarkHelmet (120004) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326716)

We didn't pay him $127,000 to do this, no matter what anyone says.

Yup, you only paid him 42 cents. Now I know why there are all those Communist Russia trolls at -1 on this site.

Heh.

IN SOVIET RUSSIA.. (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5326747)

... TROLLS PAY YOU!!!!

Re:Commie. (4, Funny)

$rtbl_this (584653) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326796)

Hey, it could have been worse: they could have paid him in VA Software stock.

Re:Commie. (2, Funny)

wcb4 (75520) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326875)

Hey, it could have been worse: they could have paid him in VA Software stock.

In which case, it was worth $127,000 when he agreed to do the interview, $1,270 when they emailed him the questions and $1.27 by the time he answers them, and tries to cash out the stock.

Dave Barry is a booger. (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5326718)

Dave Barry is a booger, as are first posters!

Re:Dave Barry is a booger. (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5326726)

fuck you karma whore!

Re:Dave Barry is a booger. (2, Insightful)

Bob Abooey (224634) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326751)

Dave Barry is a booger, as are first posters!

I'll bet ol Dave is just thrilled to finally be interacting with all his fans here on slashdot...

oh man! (3, Interesting)

fjordboy (169716) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326721)

Ever since I started college, my grandmother never fails to cut out the dave barry column and send it to me...I know I could read it online, but nothing beats holding the newsprint in your hand and laughing.

Talk Like Pirates day is the best. Dave Barry rules. That is all.

Re:oh man! (2, Interesting)

Rick.C (626083) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326837)

I know I could read it online, but nothing beats holding the newsprint in your hand and laughing.

Newsprint is sooo much better than a keyboard for those "milk through your nose" laughs.

Maybe they should print Dave's column on napkins.

Re:oh man! (0)

TomSawyer (100674) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326967)

Does your grandmother also go out of her way to give you her potato chowder?

Re:oh man! (5, Interesting)

Bonker (243350) | more than 11 years ago | (#5327030)

One of the things I've found with newspapers who get the Barry column is that they frequently cut it to shreads.

I was reading the 2002 year in review. I couldn't immediately find it on the Miami Herald site, so I did a google search. The first result it returned was for... I think... the Phoenix paper. I read it and was kinda dissapointed. I felt like it wasn't as good and definitely wasn't as long as some of his previous years work.

Curious, because I wanted to compare, I looked 2001 on the Miami Herald site. It was there, and so was the 2002 in the search window. The 2002 article on the MH site was approximately twice as long as it was on the Phoenix site. They had edited pretty heavily... mostly to remove references harsh to the republican party or George Bush. Incensed, I checked it out in my local paper, which had also cut the article, but in different places.

If you want sraight Dave Barry, either buy the MH or check it out online at the MH website.

http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/living/column ists/dave_barry/ [miami.com]

No.... (5, Funny)

Dr. Bent (533421) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326727)

You paid him $127,001 because the firewall settings wouldn't let you get the money off localhost.

GAH! Stupid submit button! (4, Funny)

Dr. Bent (533421) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326743)

You paid him $127,001 because the firewall settings would only let you get the money off localhost.

Re:GAH! Stupid submit button! (-1, Redundant)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5326793)

Don't worry, it's just as funny as it would have been if you didn't fuck it up, that is to say, not funny at all. Your mom is funny though, last night she had me splitting my sides. "Not in my eyes, aahh!" Too funny!

Re:GAH! Stupid submit button! (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5326955)

You're an anonymous coward!

Re:GAH! Stupid submit button! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5326855)

I thought of that joke first.

GIVE IT BACK!

premier attached message! (5, Funny)

autopr0n (534291) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326730)

Ok, not really. Maybe the first with the good karma modifier though :)

I read Dave Barry's book on the internet/computers a long time ago. It was funny as hell. I think the funniest part was the discussion of Jerry Pournelli's article in byte magazine, painting him as the archetypal PC user, illustrating why we didn't use Macs. I mean, if a computer always works, it just isn't fun :)

That would certanly explain why so many people use Linux on the desktop these days *ducks*

ugh. (-1, Troll)

supernova87a (532540) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326753)

I can't believe how much those questions and answers sucked. Amazingly unfunny.

The challenger who doesn't whore (yet) (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5326755)

Now THIS is a column! [xmission.com]

Dave Barry is Not Funny (-1, Flamebait)

Pave Low (566880) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326756)

I must speak out for the "silent majority" that does not find Dave Barry funny whatsover. I laugh exactly 0 times from this interview, for a grand total of 0 for all the Dave Barry stuff I've read tried to read.

What is it about him I don't like? He's like the Robin Williams of print. All he does is talk and talk and talk, but if you actually listen to what he's saying, he's not saying anything funny.

To each their own I guess, but others who hate Dave Barry, please rally here.

Re:Dave Barry is Not Funny (0, Troll)

conner_bw (120497) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326789)


Never underestimate the power of tepid contemporary humour. People do not like to shit their pants, be challenged, insulted, etc. Generally, the humour people like is safe and boring, just like the lives they aspire to live.

Re:Dave Barry is Not Funny (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5326883)

I know I like shitting MY pants! And then sitting down and feeling the SQUISH....

Re:Dave Barry is Not Funny (1)

rot26 (240034) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326819)

What is it about him I don't like? He's like the Robin Williams of print. All he does is talk and talk and talk, but if you actually listen to what he's saying, he's not saying anything funny.

DB's humor is "wry" rather than "cynical". I bet you think Jay Leno's (cruel/hateful/cynical)humor is funny.

Dave Barry Is My Cousin (1)

Acidic_Diarrhea (641390) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326881)

Leno's humor is hateful? Really? I always found Leno to be dry, boring, and rather pedestrian. He doesn't really come off as very malicious to me. And actually I'd lump Leno and Barry into the same general category of guys that make pretty tame jokes.

Now George Carlin or Lewis Black - they've got some hate to spew. And the fact that they are actually making jokes based on their personal beliefs and how they see the world - makes it that much better. Although, this may not be the case with Barry, Leno is just making an obvious observation about the flavor of the week; I don't get the impression that he cares one way or another about the jokes he makes.

Re:Dave Barry Is My Cousin (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5326918)

Leno's humor is basically Howard Stern, cleaned up for network TV. Bill Maher kicked his ASS last night.

Re:Dave Barry Is My Cousin (-1, Troll)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5326959)

bullshit you nigger! you're a fucking whiney liberal faggot. fuck you. eat shit. you fag. fag fag fag. you're gay. you love men. fuck you

Re:Dave Barry is Not Funny (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5326821)

Try reading again, this time after pulling the thumbtack out of your buttock.

Re:Dave Barry is Not Funny (2, Interesting)

DeltaSigma (583342) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326825)

First, I would like to let you know that out of respect for your opinion, I will not respond in any way to how you might respond to me.

Having that been said, I must ask.

Could you give us an example of what you think is funny? This is strictly for the purpose of comparison.

Re:Dave Barry is Not Funny (4, Funny)

Aexia (517457) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326828)

I think "The Robin Williams of Print" would be a great name for a band.

Re:Dave Barry is Not Funny (4, Insightful)

LinuxGeek (6139) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326849)

Are we supposed to feel sorry for the humorless? Do you also mean to imply that there is a Norweigen phrase for 'Peckerhead'?

Re:Dave Barry is Not Funny (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5326914)

As a Norwegian, I can answer that: Peckerhead => Pikkhode.

I'm glad you told me (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5326856)

I must speak out for the "silent majority" that does not find Dave Barry funny whatsover.

You're not silent if you're speaking out.

I laugh exactly 0 times from this interview, for a grand total of 0 for all the Dave Barry stuff I've read tried to read.

Do you want a refund? (Maybe we should we all post how many times we laughed from each article we read.)

All he does is talk and talk and talk, but if you actually listen to what he's saying, he's not saying anything funny.

Ah, there's the problem. If you listen to what he's saying, his columns aren't going to be very funny. See, that's not how most of us read his columns. Just look at his mug shot. Then you'll laugh.

To each their own I guess, but others who hate Dave Barry, please rally here.

Now that sure sounds like a fun club to belong to!

Isn't "hate" a strong word? (3, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5326880)

Okay, this may sound a little... I dunno, preachy, but this is something that's been bothering me a great deal recently. Is it necessary to use the word "hate" when you really mean "dislike"?

Honestly, the KKK hates blacks... Nazis hate Jews. But, I have a great deal of difficulty thinking you actually "hate" Dave Barry.

I only say this because, IMHO, it's a word that is thrown around WAY too often without any real thought put into its meaning. Yes, that really does sound preachy... but, honestly, given the kind of crap we're living through today (war, terrorism, racism, etc), I think the world could do with a little less hate.

Re:Dave Barry is Not Funny (0)

fudgefactor7 (581449) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326886)

Word up on that, yo. I don't find his stuff funny either, but my fiancee does. She thinks the dude is hysterical, but I just keep telling her that it's her uterus roaming--then she gives me a silly look. Go figure.

Re:Dave Barry is Not Funny (2, Interesting)

og_sh0x (520297) | more than 11 years ago | (#5327012)

At first I thought you said it was her uterus roaring... Because how could you not laugh at that?

Datapoint (1)

eddy (18759) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326896)

I don't know if I've ever read anything by him before. I might have, once or twice. I think I remember seeing an alt.fan.dave-barry ng, or was that a .die.die.die? Maybe both.

Anyway, I laughed once, at the idea of a cell phone capable of jamming.

I saw some more attempts at being funny. They did not provoke the same erection. rejection. reaction. (<-- like that)

Re:Dave Barry is Not Funny (3, Interesting)

4of12 (97621) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326919)


Like many humorists, he was most funny when he made a splash on the screen.

I remember in the mid 1980's enjoying Dave Barry's columns that people would transcribe into email for the benefit of readers like me that didn't get his local newspaper out of the midwest. I really looked forward to reading those columns (such as the one about doing home improvement projects with wood chisels as screwdrivers, etc.)

The same observation seems to apply to every generation of comics: Voltaire, Ambrose Bierce, Milton Berle, Rodney Dangerfield, Lenny Bruce, George Carlin, Bill Cosby, Flip Wilson, Robin Williams, Eddie Murphy, Tim Allen, Dave Letterman, Jerry Seinfeld, Jay Leno...

Currently I kind of like the writing of P.J. O'Rourke in the Atlantic. I'll probably grow tired of it eventually, but his last piece on Bill Clinton's post-presidency had me in tears.

Dave is funny. Seinfield is not funny. (0)

mnemotronic (586021) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326951)

Some people actually think Jerry Seinfield is funny. These same people see the humor in linoleum, digestive tract surgery, or public floggings. Let's just say we disagree, and that you're full of so much gas that it's compressing your brain. There. Now I feel better.

Re:Dave Barry is Not Funny (5, Funny)

Rick.C (626083) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326956)

I've always thought of Dave Barry as more of a sight-gag kinda guy.

He was in Springfield, OH giving a "lecture" and there was a middle-aged woman acting as an interpreter for the deaf sitting off to the side of the stage doing sign language in real-time.

Dave described how Miami drivers like to give each other the one-finger salute, then immediately turned his head toward the interpreter. The audience followed his gaze and looked over to stage-right as she was finishing his last sentence.

She was flipping us off!

"Adjacent to this complete breakfast" (1)

podperson (592944) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326971)

I've been sold on Dave Barry ever since reading a fortune cookie program that quoted him on breakfast cereal (making fun of the all-too-frequent tag line "a part of this complete breakfast").

But apparently, this is not funny for a silent alleged "majority". Oh well. I prefer being in a minority.

Re:Dave Barry is Not Funny (4, Funny)

redragon (161901) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326977)

> He's like the Robin Williams of print.

Only less hairy. :)

Re:Dave Barry is Not Funny (2, Insightful)

Yo_mama (72429) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326998)

If you don't find Dave funny then why did you bother reading and posting?

Stop bitching. If you don't like it, don't read it!

Agreed. (-1, Troll)

simetra (155655) | more than 11 years ago | (#5327029)

I think I tried reading one of his columns several years ago, fell asleep, and never tried again. You have to realize that to apeal to the masses requires lowering oneself to the lowest common denominator. It's quite possible that Dave Berry is actually brilliant, a comic genius, etc, but that's not what America wants.

Likewise, look at the comic strips, aka Funnies, in the Sunday paper. Family Circus, Garfield, Beetle Baily, funny?

Also, what's up with B.C.? This clown is always blathering about Jesus. If Jesus is there, I don't think it should be B.C. That makes no sense. It should be A.D., or at least D.C, "During Christ". Dave Berry better not steal this for his column!!!!

Oh, damn (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5326759)

I thought this was an interview with Barry Dave. Whoops!

CmdrTaco wants paying readers to work for him. (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5326762)

That's right. Read his journal (here [slashdot.org] )

He's thinking of allowing paying readers to read stories in advance, so they can PROOFREAD and CHECK FOR DUPES (which should be HIS job) before the stories go live. Paying readers will also get to see sites before they're slashdotted.

WHAT THE FUCK.

The benefits of paying for slashdot:

1) You get features that don't actually work (extended histories, etc.)
2) You are expected to proofread and dupe-check stories ('cause Rob's so busy, ya know) so that unpaying readers can read stuff without problems.

That's totally fucking backwards, Taco, you shithead.

He's also totally aware of the Slashdot effect. Instead of doing something about it (i.e. developing a cache), he's just skirting it. How totally irresponsible.

Taco, your site is shit. Your staff is shit. Your program is shit. Please wise up.

-MondoMor (read more [slashdot.org] )

Re:CmdrTaco wants paying readers to work for him. (-1)

seeksoft (579626) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326838)

oh ahahahahahaha I just fucking had water come out of my nose when I read "Taco, you shithead." this guy is great we need to make him a poster.

Parent is insightful!! (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5326920)


Please mod up so the high-threshhold folks see it. Thank you.

I like you Dave Barry (-1, Flamebait)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5326763)

Dave Berry is funny, really he is. Really really funny. Haha, Dave Barry. Slashdot, News for morons, stuff that matters to our publishers who obviously have some kind of contract with this imbecile.

Dave is blogging now (5, Informative)

Fubar (1615) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326768)

Re:Dave is blogging now (0, Flamebait)

borgdows (599861) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326803)

his weblog is pathetic!

jokes... (1)

borgdows (599861) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326775)

What would be your ideal solution for Spam (as in Internet Junk E-mail?)
I've had a good response to the idea of an internet spammer hunting license or season, complete with cute orange ear tags for the spammers.


AHAAHAHAH... please stop, it's funny as hell!! AHAHAHA

New one on me... (4, Funny)

larien (5608) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326776)

I'd never actually heard of Dave Barry until now. However, after reading a couple of his columns [miami.com] , I'm hooked.

However, one gripe with his article Dirty thoughts could lead to cleaner clothes [miami.com] . Nope, I don't have a problem with the subject; it sounds about right. However, he's forgetting the upside here. If women learn to get what they want by offering S-E-X, men will learn this and cease to volunteer to do the dishes, washing, or any other household chore without those favours... :)

Re:New one on me... (1)

nomadic (141991) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326814)

If women learn to get what they want by offering S-E-X, men will learn this and cease to volunteer to do the dishes, washing, or any other household chore without those favours

And the problem is....?

Re:New one on me... (1)

larien (5608) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326888)

Did I say there was a problem? :)

Re:New one on me... (1)

wcb4 (75520) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326910)

Men volunteer to do the dishes, washing or other houshold favours now? Which men? They need to have their "guy cards" revoked

Idiocy prevails. (-1, Troll)

Freston Youseff (628628) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326777)

How has your life changed since you won a Pullet Surprise?

That's Pulitzer, moron.


...they will decide voluntarily to stop hassling us.

Right, maybe if spammers got their fortune, they'd say "Fuck off world!" You're most certainly going to get more spam. This Dave guy is a comedian? Could have fooled me.

Re:Idiocy prevails. (1, Funny)

ArsSineArtificio (150115) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326781)

That's Pulitzer, moron

I am frankly astounded that you couldn't recognize that as a joke.

Re:Idiocy prevails. (-1, Troll)

Freston Youseff (628628) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326850)

Not that it can really be considered a 'joke', it just plain sucks. It's a play on words at most. The Pulitzer Prize isn't a surprise at all.

Re:Idiocy prevails. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5326923)

Lets be honest, it wasn't a Pulitzer Prize winning joke, was it.

Re:Idiocy prevails. (1)

Catharsis (246331) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326948)

Frankly, I'm astounded that you could recognize that as a joke.

Re:Idiocy prevails. (0, Redundant)

rot26 (240034) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326791)

That's Pulitzer, moron.

I bet you don't think Dave Barry is funny, either.

Are you one of the retards who mods everything modded "+1 Funny" down?

Re:Idiocy prevails. (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5326870)

Dear Lord, you totally bypassed the puchline, moron. Read the next sentence after "they will decide voluntarily to stop hassling us."

Dumbass.

Re:Idiocy prevails. (2, Insightful)

CorwinOfAmber (39299) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326906)

[quote]

How has your life changed since you won a Pullet Surprise?

That's Pulitzer, moron.
[/quote]

You know what's ironic? You post a message demonstrating a complete lack of understanding, and you title your post Idiocy prevails.

Questions better than answers. (3, Interesting)

ashitaka (27544) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326778)

Like Bill Shatner's responses [slashdot.org] some weeks ago it looks like Dave just bashed out some plain vanilla answers. No substance.

You would at least expect some witty rejoinder to the first questioner's detailed mention of how he met Dave.

A bit lame I'm afraid.

Re:Questions better than answers. (5, Insightful)

rot26 (240034) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326848)

You would at least expect some witty rejoinder to the first questioner's detailed mention of how he met Dave.

The first questioner's detailed mention of how he met dave wasn't really funny.

It's sad that most of the questions that people asked him were attempts at "I set 'em up, you knock 'em down". If you want humor, read his column. If you want to know what he thinks, ask serious questions; if you want lame answers, ask lame questions. I thought most of the questions were lame.

Re:Questions better than answers. (4, Insightful)

dildatron (611498) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326916)

Yeah I agree. He didn't have good questions to answer in the first place. Garbage in, Garbage out. (or "Shit I/O" as I say).

Let this be a lesson to the crack head mods to really think about modding when the next interview comes up. Ahh, who am i kidding. The mods don't give a flying monkey fucking a football.

Re:Questions better than answers. (5, Insightful)

syle (638903) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326877)

People said this about Douglas Adams' interview as well.

I laughed several times reading Dave's answers. What more can I ask for? He's taking time out of his well-payed day answering questions from random strangers on a website he's probably never seen before. Even so, most of the answers were at least a paragraph if not two long.

You expected an essay? A Sunday column? When someone asks him a stupid, one-sentence question, he responded with an equally stupid one-sentence answer. Cut the guy a break.

YOU SHOULD'VE ASKED ABOUT HIS FAVORITE ANAL LUBE (-1)

Subject Line Troll (581198) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326938)


Re:Questions better than answers. (5, Insightful)

Oculus Habent (562837) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326882)

As I said with the Shatner interview, the responses are held to the quality fo the questions. Not to malign the questions, some were good, some were funny. But Dave make his living making one person's serious into another person's stupidity.

Was he offered questions on the socio-political implications of war with Iraq? Was he offered questions on the education system, pressing moral concerns, or religious preferences. No.

And so, his answers were in kind with the questions.

Re:Questions better than answers. (0)

unicron (20286) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326992)

Yeah, it was a shame that Mr. Shatner wasn't his usual intelligent, witty self. Oh wait...

It's like saying Frakenstein wasn't as forthcoming as you would've liked.

Yawn (-1, Flamebait)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5326787)

Yet Another Worthless "News" story. Not too funny and surely Slashdot should be Charging Barry for the feedback. They might mke a buck for once.

Just in case Dave Barry reads this (0, Interesting)

CleverNickName (129189) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326788)

Dear Dave,

You have made me laugh out loud more times than I can count.

Rock on.

Wil

Re:Just in case Dave Barry reads this (0, Funny)

zerocool^ (112121) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326884)

Dear Wil,

You're appearances on Tech TV have most often been gut bustingly funny, especially the ones where you have to be the guy who's asking "how do I do this" when it's quite obvious you could do it better and with more finesse than whoever is showing you.

I read fark every day in anticipation of seeing articles about you.

Dave.

(heh, just kidding, I'm not dave berry, but otherwise, rock on wil).

Re:Just in case Dave Barry reads this (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5326933)

Dear Dave,

I can't count.

Rock on.

Wil

Dave Barry is not now nor has he ever been funny. (-1, Redundant)

drdanny_orig (585847) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326795)

I'm hardly the only one to have noticed that fact. The mystery to me is how anyone would think otherwise. Just call me Grumpy Gus

Is this interesting? (-1, Redundant)

an_mo (175299) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326807)

This interview is just moderately funny. Interviews are my favorite /. topic, but this sucks big time. I knew nothing about this guy and now I wish I hadn't spent time reading and typing this comment. Can somebody point out the best stuff written by this guy? Why is he famous?
Thanks in advance.

Dave is so funny that we need to protect him! (5, Funny)

peteshaw (99766) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326817)

Dave Barry is a national treasure!

I think he should be recognized as such, and as such, he should be surrounded at all times by jersey walls, and many security personnel.

He should be protected, for his own good and the country's good. Even if it means keeping him under house arrrest. Even if it means keeping him in one of those subterranean fortresses surrounded by vast amounts of concrete. He can write his humorous columns in troll-like solitude in the murky darkness, protected and safe.

Only then can we be assured of his the continuance of his fractured take on society that is so desperately needed in these harsh modern times. Then and opnly then. My only question is...

Who's with me?

(Dave if you're reading this, I have a big red van, so if you see me and several of my milita freinds dressed as ninjas and sneaking into your house at night to save you, don't worry.)

$127,000 (5, Funny)

buzzdecafe (583889) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326835)

Also, Slashdot is paying me $127,000.


I'd double-check to make sure they didn't pay you in stock.

Re:$127,000 (1)

The Babbler (634996) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326964)

According to his fee [eaglestalent.com] scale, an extra digit slipped in.

canadian spelling? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5326840)

I'm curious about what you think about humour (Canadian spelling) in times of
crises

Because he probably does like people (4, Interesting)

ewanrg (446949) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326843)

You have to wonder when you see some of the comments on the DB answers why someone like him would bother. While it's possible there will be a few new readers, it's more likely the same people who already like/hate him who are reading this.

A number of years ago I was acting as a moderator at an online service that had hopes of becoming the next AOL. I scored what I thought (at the time) was a major coup in getting Robert X. Cringely (not sure if it was the PBS one or his predecesor) to come to a chat. I promoted the heck out of it, and even made sure to have extra resources set aside for the crowd.

Twenty people "showed up", ten of whom were obviously there to heckle, and eight of whom had a particular column they wanted to discuss/critique/praise him for.

I remember apologizing profusely at the end of the hour, and him being rather generous and saying it was ok because he liked people, and at least he didn't get any pie on him.

s/Dave Barry/George Carlin/ (-1, Flamebait)

Anonymous Coward +1 (645038) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326861)

Dave Barry is not funny, but George Carlin is.

on spammers (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5326865)

I favor castration.

He's got my vote!

In Soviet Russia... (-1, Offtopic)

l33t-gu3lph1t3 (567059) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326871)

Dave Barry questions you!

Aww, c'mon. Had to burn some Karma sooner or later ;)

Dave Barry... (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5326873)

Is the absolute funniest writer alive.

paraphrasing some responses for everyone (1, Funny)

circletimessquare (444983) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326879)

i am so upset!

shatner and barry have ruined my entire sheltered fanboy life.

i have a razor sharp appreciation of what is important and what is not important in life so here goes:

dave's responses weren't as witty/ hilarious/ exciting/ sardonic as i expected.

i went into the interview with a preconceived notion of what i deserve during my lunchbreak reading experience and i was not satisfied.

since the world revolves around me, i expect slashdot and dave barry to do something about it!

rewrite until i am ecstatic and satisfied to my exacting standards as my standards are the only ones that matter.

thank you. ;-P

Slashdot is paying him WHAT?!? (2, Funny)

Guppy06 (410832) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326887)

"Also, Slashdot is paying me $127,000"

He does realize, of course, that all that money came from banner ads, right?

$127,000 v. $127001 (2, Interesting)

CleverNickName (129189) | more than 11 years ago | (#5327003)

Does Dave Barry lose geek points because he missed the obvious "$127,001" joke?

Am I a huge geek for even noticing the chance at a joke there, or just sad?

Do I lose or gain geek points for even bringing this up?

PS- Dave Barry is still teh r0Xor.

Castrating Spammers (4, Funny)

pr0ntab (632466) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326931)

Dear Dave:

Would you mind repeating that backhanded comment on spammers in your weekly column that I get in the back of Washington Post Magazine? The: "yeah, lets buy your penis enlargers and getaway vacations," followed by: "CASTRATION!!!"

I would photocopy it, hilite the relevant phrases, then mail it to as many spamhaus-related mailing addresses I can dig up.

PSYCHOLOGICAL VICTORY!!!

Thanks, pr0ntab

Time for new inspiration? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5326934)

Once upon a time, I found Dave occasionally funny. No longer. I sometimes wonder if the reason he ditched his first wife was to rediscover material related to having a new baby (which wasn't funny from the other four bazillion erstwhile humorists who thought we'd enjoy reading about their cute kid - and I have a kid, so I have experienced all these things myself.)

Perhaps Dave will need to go for wife #3 to recharge his muse...

$127,001? (4, Funny)

mceister (216015) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326936)

We didn't pay him $127,000 to do this

I thought the rate was $127,001. Or is that just for in-house articles?

fp (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5326939)

post frist

death to clits

Is there a (Dave Barry) echo in here? (5, Insightful)

cheezit (133765) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326940)

Is it just me, or is there something odd about people imitating Barry's humor when addressing him? It's like meeting Kissinger and switching to a deep heavily-accented voice, or meeting Marlee Matlin and gesticulating wildly in made-up ESL.

I assume he finds his own humor funny, because it reflects his sense of humor, but he may think Chris Rock is even funnier...

I've read a fair amount of Dave Barry's columns, and he can be very funny, but sometimes he has an off day and he sounds just like the Barry-esque questions that he was asked...forced, dorky, and painfully self-referential.

Hmmm... (4, Funny)

moc.tfosorcimgllib (602636) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326950)

I sometimes like the challenge of writing serious pieces, but usually this is when I'm faced with a really serious topic -- such as 9-11 or Hiroshima -- that forces me to be somber. Usually I don't WANT to be somber.

I'm sure he meant to say "sober".

Bill Bryson (3, Informative)

Kupek (75469) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326983)

For those that enjoy Dave Barry's work, I heartily reccomend Bill Bryson [amazon.com] . He's a travel author, and except for a short stint after returning to America (which can be found in book form, I'm a Stranger Here Myself [amazon.com] ), he doesn't do columns. He writes travel books, but they are hands down the funniest books I have ever read.

The first book I bought of his, In a Sunburned Country [amazon.com] , I started reading on the bus home. Halfway, I had to stop because I was laughing uncontrollabley, and it was getting embarassing. Bill Bryson is that good.

127,000 not money, but return path (2, Funny)

DataPath (1111) | more than 11 years ago | (#5326994)

127,000 wasn't the money you were being offered - it was part of the return path for the email they sent you, slashdot being notorious spammers. 127.0.0.0

As for castration, I think CowboyNeal would be the most amenable of the bunch.

dave berry? (-1)

Anonymous Coward | more than 11 years ago | (#5327020)

Who the fuck is dave berry?
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