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If Programming Languages Were Religions

CmdrTaco posted more than 5 years ago | from the worship-his-noodliness dept.

It's funny.  Laugh. 844

bshell writes "With Christmas around the corner I know we are all thinking about religion, or at least maybe wondering why this one religion dominates the rest for these few weeks. A fellow named Rodrigo Braz Monteiro (amz) posted this list comparing each programming language to a religion. Guaranteed to make you chuckle and generate a good long thread here on slashdot. Great way to pass the time as work winds down this week and we relate to our own programming faiths during this very special time of year. Merry PHPmas." Fortunately Pastafarianism is referenced.

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Why? (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26144329)

A variation on the top ten list makes it on /.
Pathetic.

What do you mean if? (4, Funny)

genner (694963) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144339)

PHP is the one true way.

Re:What do you mean if? (2, Funny)

MikeDirnt69 (1105185) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144429)

Have you heard the news (from Ceiling Cat)? http://pgfoundry.org/projects/pllolcode/ [pgfoundry.org]

Re:What do you mean if? (2, Funny)

genner (694963) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144467)

I won't say lol coders aren't my brothers since they code the fundamentals but we all think they're a little weird.

wow (4, Insightful)

stoolpigeon (454276) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144341)

amazing how offense free that is. that had to take a bit of effort.

Re:wow (5, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26144393)

Except for the part about only accusing Islam of murderous tendencies?
It's sad that only biases which disagree with our own internal ones are noticed.

Re:wow (4, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26144425)

I personally found offensive that he compared C++ to Islam. C++ is much more peaceful.

Re:wow (5, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26144479)

Like how you ignored the part about Fundamentalist Christians burning people at the stake.

Re:wow (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26144513)

This one learns quickly.

Re:wow (5, Funny)

theaveng (1243528) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144803)

If two anonymous posters speak to one another, does anybody hear them? ;-)

Re:wow (4, Insightful)

rthille (8526) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144579)

He didn't accuse Islam of murderous tendencies, he asked that if you were a muslim that you not kill him.

Like it or not, Muslims are more likely to kill in response to perceived offenses against their religion, and his post makes light of that fact. If you're a moderate muslim and you find that offensive, then you need to do two things: get over it, since free speech is a right in the U.S.A. and therefore you're likely to find offensive speech living here, or on the internet; secondly, you should be decrying the violence promulgated by extremist muslims in the name of Islam. Part of the problem with moderate religionists is that they give cover for the extremists under the umbrella of "respect for religion". If they want their religion to continue getting respect, they need to police their own.

Re:wow (5, Funny)

aaron alderman (1136207) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144765)

1. Insult the religious.
2. Insult programmers.
3. ????
4. Prophet!

Re:wow (0, Offtopic)

theTrueMikeBrown (1109161) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144893)

mod parent up (funny)

If Programming Languages Were Religions? (4, Funny)

eldavojohn (898314) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144351)

What do you mean "If"?! As a young man, I was saved by the one true C.

Re:If Programming Languages Were Religions? (5, Funny)

rhfixer (920651) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144559)

Are you sure you can assert that?

Re:If Programming Languages Were Religions? (4, Interesting)

eldavojohn (898314) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144653)

What do you mean "If"?! As a young man, I was saved by the one true C.

Are you sure you can assert that?

No, the 90s where a turbulent time filled with drugs, rock music and Java. I've largely lost my way for the cheap harlot of a language that runs on any platform. In a way, I miss the sharp sting of the preachers segfault against my knuckles, the way I would allocate and deallocate memory night after night over and over. Sometimes I look back and long for the purity that once was ... and curse the Sun Microsystem that lead me astray from the good letter.

Often at home I resolve to code only in an efficient language. But in the morning when I wake up, I take the paycheck and do what greed drives me to do: Java.

Re:If Programming Languages Were Religions? (4, Funny)

MSBob (307239) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144833)

The Holy C

Re:If Programming Languages Were Religions? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26144979)

C for compiler?
Kind of an ambiguous argument then, eh?

If C++ is Islam (4, Funny)

earthforce_1 (454968) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144375)

Then Linus must have joined Salman Rushdie in hiding after this rant:
http://thread.gmane.org/gmane.comp.version-control.git/57643/focus=57918 [gmane.org]

Re:If C++ is Islam (2, Insightful)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26144535)

Linus is just a person with every flaw anyone else has. His opinion is nothing but one, no more important than mine or anyone else's.

His rant is that of one who knows only how to use a hammer, so everything looks like nails. You can write horrible and unmaintainable code in any language.

If you want a language that treats you like the idiot you are and only allows things one way, use VB. Otherwise you have to learn how to go around your own limitations and avoid shooting yourself on the foot.

In the end, of you do [shoot yourself on the foot] it is your own fault, it's not the language that is bad and stupid, it's YOU.

Re:If C++ is Islam (3, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26144625)

His rant is that of one who knows only how to use a hammer, so everything looks like nails.

No! Some things look like thumbs!

Re:If C++ is Islam (3, Funny)

maxwell demon (590494) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144971)

But those only become a problem after hitting them with a hammer.

Slashdotted? (0, Offtopic)

gzipped_tar (1151931) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144381)

I can't read it. Slashdotted already?

Re:Slashdotted? (2, Informative)

FudRucker (866063) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144539)

"If programming languages were religions" (Inspired by "If programming languages were cars")

C would be Judaism - it's old and restrictive, but most of the world is familiar with its laws and respects them. The catch is, you can't convert into it - you're either into it from the start, or you will think that it's insanity. Also, when things go wrong, many people are willing to blame the problems of the world on it.

Java would be Fundamentalist Christianity - it's theoretically based on C, but it voids so many of the old laws that it doesn't feel like the original at all. Instead, it adds its own set of rigid rules, which its followers believe to be far superior to the original. Not only are they certain that it's the best language in the world, but they're willing to burn those who disagree at the stake.

PHP would be Cafeteria Christianity - Fights with Java for the web market. It draws a few concepts from C and Java, but only those that it really likes. Maybe it's not as coherent as other languages, but at least it leaves you with much more freedom and ostensibly keeps the core idea of the whole thing. Also, the whole concept of "goto hell" was abandoned.

C++ would be Islam - It takes C and not only keeps all its laws, but adds a very complex new set of laws on top of it. It's so versatile that it can be used to be the foundation of anything, from great atrocities to beautiful works of art. Its followers are convinced that it is the ultimate universal language, and may be angered by those who disagree. Also, if you insult it or its founder, you'll probably be threatened with death by more radical followers.

C# would be Mormonism - At first glance, it's the same as Java, but at a closer look you realize that it's controlled by a single corporation (which many Java followers believe to be evil), and that many theological concepts are quite different. You suspect that it'd probably be nice, if only all the followers of Java wouldn't discriminate so much against you for following it.

Lisp would be Zen Buddhism - There is no syntax, there is no centralization of dogma, there are no deities to worship. The entire universe is there at your reach - if only you are enlightened enough to grasp it. Some say that it's not a language at all; others say that it's the only language that makes sense.

Haskell would be Taoism - It is so different from other languages that many people don't understand how can anyone use it to produce anything useful. Its followers believe that it's the true path to wisdom, but that wisdom is beyond the grasp of most mortals.

Erlang would be Hinduism - It's another strange language that doesn't look like it could be used for anything, but unlike most other modern languages, it's built around the concept of multiple simultaneous deities.

Perl would be Voodoo - An incomprehensible series of arcane incantations that involve the blood of goats and permanently corrupt your soul. Often used when your boss requires you to do an urgent task at 21:00 on friday night.

Lua would be Wicca - A pantheistic language that can easily be adapted for different cultures and locations. Its code is very liberal, and allows for the use of techniques that might be described as magical by those used to more traditional languages. It has a strong connection to the moon.

Ruby would be Neo-Paganism - A mixture of different languages and ideas that was beaten together into something that might be identified as a language. Its adherents are growing fast, and although most people look at them suspiciously, they are mostly well-meaning people with no intention of harming anyone.

Python would be Humanism: It's simple, unrestrictive, and all you need to follow it is common sense. Many of the followers claim to feel relieved from all the burden imposed by other languages, and that they have rediscovered the joy of programming. There are some who say that it is a form of pseudo-code.

COBOL would be Ancient Paganism - There was once a time when it ruled over a vast region and was important, but nowadays it's almost dead, for the good of us all. Although many were scarred by the rituals demanded by its deities, there are some who insist on keeping it alive even today.

APL would be Scientology - There are many people who claim to follow it, but you've always suspected that it's a huge and elaborate prank that got out of control.

LOLCODE would be Pastafarianism - An esoteric, Internet-born belief that nobody really takes seriously, despite all the efforts to develop and spread it.

Visual Basic would be Satanism - Except that you don't REALLY need to sell your soul to be a Satanist...

Re:Slashdotted? (2, Interesting)

theaveng (1243528) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144669)

MORE (out of my own creativity - but being an engineer that's not saying much)

BASIC is similar to the caveman religions - early prototypical religions about Sun gods, Thunder gods, and so forth. It's where most programmers start before moving on to more advanced religions.

FORTRAN - like physics problems about "how high does the baseball go when thrown at 1 meter per second", Fortran is a language you learn in college but never use in the real world.

ASSEMBLY is not for the common man, but for the theologians who like to study the esoteric minutiae (was Jesus a god, a human, or both?). Assembly is for programmers who like to control the lowest level of the machine & worship the flow of the bits. Often used as part of the demoscene.

Re:Slashdotted? (1)

gzipped_tar (1151931) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144789)

Well, thanks a lot.

I really laughed my a$$ off when I saw the "APL is Scientology" line :D

A couple weeks ago (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26144389)

while browsing the library I had to take a piss. As I stopped into the john, who did I see but CmdrTaco! He was washing at the sink. I don't know what happened, but he appeared to have shit all over his hands and even his face. I turned around and decided I could hold it in until I found another bathroom.

Re:A couple weeks ago (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26144405)

Why didn't you submit this as an article?

Re:A couple weeks ago (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26144589)

It was posted on Idle. Twice.

Re:A couple weeks ago (-1, Offtopic)

theaveng (1243528) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144705)

If two anonymous posters speak to one another, does anybody hear them?

I'm Atheist I suppose. (5, Interesting)

MouseR (3264) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144411)

Objective-C isn't in the list. And that makes me happy.

Re:I'm Atheist I suppose. (5, Funny)

QuantumG (50515) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144473)

objc is a heretic cult and will be quashed.

Re:I'm Atheist I suppose. (2, Funny)

NCG_Mike (905098) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144649)

Obj-C works by messages so it's obviously divine!

Left out a few languages.... (1)

scharkalvin (72228) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144415)

Left a few out.
What would small talk be? How about focal?
Muddle (MDL, actually a sect of lisp)? Teco? (it's a now forgotten DEC editor, but also a programming language. I remember seeing a Star Trek game written in Teco!) Oh and don't forget Assembler. I guess that would be something like American Indian worship of the 'great spirt'.

C, "restrictive"? (0, Offtopic)

fgaliegue (1137441) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144433)

Uhm.

This is the only language which allows you to shoot yourself in the foot very, very easily.

No, C is not restrictive. It requires a LOT of discipline, though.

Re:C, "restrictive"? (1)

genner (694963) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144489)

Uhm.

This is the only language which allows you to shoot yourself in the foot very, very easily.

No, C is not restrictive. It requires a LOT of discipline, though.

C is an extremely liberal church. Anything goes.

Re:C, "restrictive"? (1)

DustCollector (903185) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144507)

My thoughts exactly. ints can be chars, you can do pointer arithmetic, you can rotate and mask bits, drop to machine language, etc. And yes, it takes discipline to keep things neat and orderly.

Python can be a bit more restrictive than C in that space matters. But you don't need to declare specific types.

Oh well, the article was all in fun anyway.

LOLCode (5, Funny)

Andr T. (1006215) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144447)

LOLCODE would be Pastafarianism - An esoteric, Internet-born belief that nobody really takes seriously, despite all the efforts to develop and spread it.

WHAT??? What do you mean no one takes Pastafarianism seriously?? Die, infidel!

Re:LOLCode (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26144917)

WUT??? Wut do u meen no 1 taks Pastafarianism sersly?? Die, infdel!

fixt

Dual religion is accepted? (5, Funny)

TheDarkMaster (1292526) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144449)

I am a fundamentalist crhistian (java) AND a satanist (visual basic)? LOL!

I am the incarnated paradox :)

Re:Dual religion is accepted? (1)

PinkyDead (862370) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144693)

You are a sick sick puppy.

Re:Dual religion is accepted? (4, Funny)

jandersen (462034) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144727)

I am a fundamentalist crhistian (java) AND a satanist (visual basic)? LOL!

I am the incarnated paradox :)

How so?

Nothing remarkable actually... (-1, Flamebait)

mario_grgic (515333) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144871)

All christian fundamentalists are satanists anyway.

What, no scientology? (-1, Flamebait)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26144461)

In my Book, Python would be scientology and Perl would be spiritually in general and not a specific religion.

Re:What, no scientology? (3, Funny)

Andr T. (1006215) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144499)

Python would be Scientology? I surely don't agree.

You have to pay nobody to learn it. It's fun and there's no Xeno. Also, nobody was attacked after saying bad things about it. I think.

Re:What, no scientology? (1)

thogard (43403) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144631)

With python you pay into that false hope of divinity. Like all programs written in python, there is always more to do and its never quite done.

Re:What, no scientology? (1)

Andr T. (1006215) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144739)

> print "Hello world!"

Done. Nothing more to do in my "hello world" python program.

Re:What, no scientology? (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26144905)

Your program will brake in Python 3.

Re:What, no scientology? (1)

ionix5891 (1228718) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144959)

print ("pfft that print wont work in python3 thou heretic)

OMG!!!! (1)

Andr T. (1006215) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144641)

I just got the news! Python attacked a 3-year-old!!! [abc.net.au]

Maybe it was a DoS attack or something.

Forth is scientology (1)

paulsnx2 (453081) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144573)

That is why we keep shooting it up into space on satellites.... It hopes to get back into contact with Xenu and the Galactic Confederacy!

Re:What, no scientology? (2, Insightful)

PinkyDead (862370) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144599)

Obviously waves of COBOL nostalgia caused your brain to shut down.

APL would be Scientology - There are many people who claim to follow it, but you've always suspected that it's a huge and elaborate prank that got out of control.

what we have here is a case of splixonotomy (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26144463)

Everybody who programs SINS, you are all godless HORES so go to IRAN if you dont like it! I heard that mac usetrs are all heterosexual straight people who enjoy penis-in-vagina type sex. That is gross and and ABOMANATION IN THE EYES OF T^HE LORD! So poo on you. Hello my friends............ Spang??????

Shouldn't this be in "idle"? (0, Offtopic)

theaveng (1243528) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144469)

>>>Great way to pass the time as work winds down

I wish. They have me working 70 hour weeks. because they want it all done by January 2. So much for vacation.

Re:Shouldn't this be in "idle"? (0, Redundant)

theaveng (1243528) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144615)

P.S.

BASIC is similar to the caveman religions - early prototypical religions about Sun gods, Thunder gods, and so forth. It's where most programmers start.

ASSEMBLY is not for the common man, but for the theologians who like to study the esoteric minutiae (was Jesus a god, a human, or both?). Assembly is for programmers who like to control the lowest level of the machine & worship the flow of the bits.

FORTRAN - like physics problems about "how high does the baseball go when thrown at 1 meter per second", Fortran is a language you learn in college but never use in the real world.

 

Re:Shouldn't this be in "idle"? (1)

Chris Mattern (191822) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144837)

FORTRAN - like physics problems about "how high does the baseball go when thrown at 1 meter per second", Fortran is a language you learn in college but never use in the real world.

Unless you do real world physics problems (seriously).

Theologians will disagree (4, Interesting)

Kupfernigk (1190345) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144481)

I think TFA suffers from the author not knowing an awful lot about the different religions.

IMHO,

  • Java is more like Episcopalianism - it's based ultimately on C (Judaism) but rejects some of the more traditional ideas and allows for a wide range of interpretations.
  • Erlang is like Zen - initially hard to understand but based around some apparently simple but deep concepts. And yes, I have studied Zen, you insensitive clod!
  • C# is Mormonism - a kind of parallel reality to the mainstream Episcopalianism that is Java, and it costs more to join.
  • C++ is fundamentalist Christianity - at first sight it looks fine but you have to believe increasingly strange things the more you get sucked into it, and it can just blow up in your face without warning.
  • And COBOL is Islam - it has been around a long time, it is still widely believed in, it can be a bit narrow but for many of its believers it works extremely well.

Re:Theologians will disagree (1, Interesting)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26144581)

And Hinduism is not even one language. It is almost as if some 20-30 languages decided to merge and kept the functionality based on popular vote and pragmatism.
The most common equivalent would be like calling the .NET framework a language - MSFT took tons of different languages and then wrote runtimes for each of them (VB.NET, ASP.NET, C#.NET ...) . The britishers did the dumping in Hinduisms case and many Hindus/hindu-likes can't still agree if they are really Hindu or not. (Jains, Sikhs, some tribes/paganists etc.) .
Also interesting is that you can't really convert to Hinduism (no one knows how), but you can easily form a cult and call yourselves a Hindu ( Mono :-)

Re:Theologians will disagree (1)

VJ42 (860241) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144767)

Also interesting is that you can't really convert to Hinduism (no one knows how),

On the contrary, it's easy you just need call yourself one. You don't even need a belief in god: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atheism_in_Hinduism [wikipedia.org] , let alone follow any religious doctrines ;p

but you can easily form a cult and call yourselves a Hindu ( Mono :-)

Yeah, the hare Krishna's learned that one...

Disclaimer: I was born and brought up a hindu, yet am only mildly religious, and even then only on Tuesdays.

Re:Theologians will disagree (2, Funny)

Andr T. (1006215) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144709)

COBOL can't be Islam. Islam numbers are always increasing [thenational.ae] .

Re:Theologians will disagree (5, Funny)

aaron alderman (1136207) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144745)

I don't believe in programming.

creators' planet/population rescue kode.... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26144501)

is totally user friendly, newclear powered & spiritually based. additionally, there are no gadgets required. it's all in the manual; thou shalt do onto, etc...

Are religion (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26144515)

Programming languages are religions.....

Re:Are religion (5, Insightful)

PinkyDead (862370) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144629)

More to the point, religions are programming languages.

Re:Are religion (0)

MRe_nl (306212) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144729)

Hear, hear!

happy X-mas
Neal Stephenson.

I wish programming was a religion (5, Funny)

jollyreaper (513215) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144527)

Then we could excommunicate people for breaking coding conventions and burn them at the stake for buffer overflows. Of course, this would also mean we'd need altars to Gates and Torvalds in the server room, would have to burn the right incenses and make appropriate obeisances to ward off crashes. Of course, when the crashes happen anyway, we could then have the debate over whether the religion was false or if we simply weren't observing it strictly enough and decide to throw a virgin off the roof and see if things improve. (cue jokes about the likeliest department to find virgins in.) You know, it would be kind of cool to have a giant computing pyramid atop which is the altar we tear out the beating hearts of living sacrifices.

Re:I wish programming was a religion (0, Flamebait)

ShakaUVM (157947) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144567)

>>Then we could excommunicate people for breaking coding conventions and burn them at the stake for buffer overflows.

Does this include people that space indent?

Because I might sign on to your crusade if we can burn people that check in space-indented code.

Re:I wish programming was a religion (5, Funny)

paulsnx2 (453081) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144897)

The 10 commandments of coding conventions

1) Thou shalt not place the Left Curly Brace on a line of its own; this shows disrespect to thy Fathers and thy Mothers who only had 80 columns and 24 lines in days of old
2) Thou shalt not use the GoTo, for such disrespects the Prophet of Programming Dijkstra,
3) Thou shalt comment thy code, and provide great detail about the workings of thy mind when thou does first write thy method. And thou shalt revisit and revise thy comments only in the earliest hours of the morning prior to thy code review.
4) Honor thy Sun and thy Java that your days may be long upon the Virtual Machine where thy code livith.
5) Thou shalt Compile before checking in.
6) Thou shalt Run thy code at least once before shipping.
7) Thou shalt Test at least one Browser against thy Server's code, and thy backup Server's code, and thy Neighbor's Server's code.
8) Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's operating system unless thy neighbor runs Linux; If ye cast your eye upon thy neighbor's Windows Server, and covet it in thy heart, thy staff shall take thee into thy parking lot and stone thee with mice until the demon of stupidity leaveth thee
9) Thou shalt not make libraries of other gods such as C# or Perl. These are an abomination before thy God.
10) Once thou hast compiled thy code, generated thy Java Doc, Reviewed thy code with the elders of thy people, Deployed thy code upon thy server, and tested thy code upon the Browser of thy God (Firefox 3.0), and thy customer doth stumble upon thy bug, thou shalt blame thy customer with thy mouth, and curse his existence, for thou hath commented, placed thy braces properly, indented with four spaces (and not eight as do the godless), hath capped thy constants, hath lowercased thy methods, and hath passed all thy JUnit tests..... It is the truth of God that if yee hath done all these things, thy customer must be at fault.

Visual Basic (2, Insightful)

Farmer Pete (1350093) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144529)

I don't know why VB gets such a bad rap. I'm not saying it's the best language out there, but I view it as a tool in a toolbox. Sure, it might not be the tool you'll go for most often, and if you had to limit yourself to only a few languages, maybe you'd ditch it. But it is still powerful and good for some situations.

Re:Visual Basic (2, Funny)

$RANDOMLUSER (804576) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144685)

When all you have is VB, everything looks like a nail.

Re:Visual Basic (1)

splutty (43475) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144927)

If I had a screwdriver that would only work when I did 3 pirouettes, closed my eyes, and wiggled the fingers of my opposing hand before I used it to hammer a nail in.... Then yes.. Visual Basic would be a tool.

Programming Languages aren't Religions... (1)

Fished (574624) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144543)

Operating Systems on the other hand are. My "other" religion is a Macintosh.

Re:Programming Languages aren't Religions... (1, Funny)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26144783)

Tell me more about this Macintosh OS. Is it by chance anything like Nextstep or OS X? I personally am a fan of the Dell and eMachine OSes.

FORTRAN (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26144551)

FORTRAN: definitely Scientology.

python is unrestrictive? (2, Interesting)

spottedkangaroo (451692) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144563)

I was really into the article until I got to that comment. I really like python, but I find it's anything but restrictive. It seems like there's exactly one way to do things in python and if you deviate at all the other python coders will get insanely angry with you.

I find it more restrictive than java. Elegant, but extremely restrictive. It makes me feel boxed in. I prefer languages where you can do things in various different ways depending on your mood and temperament.

Again, I like python very much, but it's not "unrestrictive." That's just silly.

Re:python is unrestrictive? (3, Informative)

quarterbuck (1268694) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144663)

It is unrestrictive not in the simple keywords and functions sense, but in the sense of object oriented design.
In Java it is next to impossible to write a "Hello World" program without tripping over object oriented design. In python don't really need to create a ObjectFactory to create little widget objects if you don't feel like it etc.
This leaves the user unrestricted when it comes to program design (though python slightly does nudge you in the rightish direction with the way the language is developing).

Re:python is unrestrictive? (1)

maxume (22995) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144785)

Not all of the other python coders get insanely angry, just the insanely angry ones (plenty of people may try to be helpful and point out a way that they think is clearer, or that is more efficient).

I would think that there are insane, angry people who code in many languages, but perhaps python attracts them for some reason.

BASIC (4, Insightful)

SoundGuyNoise (864550) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144595)

BASIC is like any Sunday School. It give you a base to start out with. Might not be on the ball with the full tenets of a religion, simplified for a new audience, but it points in the direction for deeper philosophical research.

Lua (1)

Leafheart (1120885) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144601)

FTFA

Lua would be Wicca - A pantheistic language that can easily be adapted for different cultures and locations. Its code is very liberal, and allows for the use of techniques that might be described as magical by those used to more traditional languages. It has a strong connection to the moon.

I program in LUA and I approve this message

Eifel (1)

Chrisq (894406) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144613)

Eifel would be extreme atheism. You can't say anything without defining your predicates and defining the context in which it is valid.

Dec 25th, we have Grav-mass! (1)

H4x0r Jim Duggan (757476) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144635)

Logical programmers don't need religions. We can celebrate Grav-mass [stallman.org] - a day for "the existence of comprehensible physical laws", which we celebrate by poorly sticking fruit onto a tree :-)

The Holy C (2, Funny)

MortenMW (968289) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144645)

From the book of the Holy C:

#include
int main(void)
{
printf("Let there be light!\n");
return 0;
}

Perl (2, Funny)

Maclir (33773) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144657)

Perl would be Voodoo - An incomprehensible series of arcane incantations that involve the blood of goats and permanently corrupt your soul.

Actually, the incantations involve the blood of camels.

MUMPS (2, Insightful)

zepo1a (958353) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144661)

Is Visual Basic is Satanism, MUMPS is the Devil himself!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MUMPS [wikipedia.org]

Who wrote the list? (1)

hesaigo999ca (786966) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144667)

Who the hell came up with this list, I really don't see it,
anyways to go with what I program, I guess i am dancing with the devil as we speak!
Hail satan!

Why is Hinduism left out? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26144681)

I feel violated.

Very Subjective (0)

vawarayer (1035638) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144699)

Questionnable sense of humour.

Very caricaturist interpretation of religions. Or maybe that's what should have been funny?

one religion dominates? (1)

howardd21 (1001567) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144743)

I fail to see the validity of the comment "or at least maybe wondering why this one religion dominates the rest for these few weeks"; in fact Jewish people have a high holiday season now, as do Muslims. Ask somebody on the middle east of Christmas is dominating, I do not think you will get a yes.

Python (1)

oliverthered (187439) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144747)

like trying to fight your way out of a paper bag (very slowly), but what was the paper bag doing there in the first place, I'd much prefer a world that I could see instead of one that I couldn't.

and then if you want to do anything sensible you have to use C.

still a lot clearer than Perl.

hmmm. What about assembler and ADA? (1)

apodyopsis (1048476) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144769)

ADA has me head scratching here.

A religion that enforces how you pray and stops followers talking to each other?

And what about assembler?

A direct line to god that bypasses religion, only for minor deities?

I object on the Judaism comparison. (2, Insightful)

Sabre Runner (1433057) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144773)

I'm Israeli and I think I can say that you can convert to Judaism (and to C). It's just easier if you haven't tried anything else before.

Visual Basic as satanism (1)

jockeys (753885) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144823)

Please note that the author is referring to Theistic Satanism (sometimes called Luciferianism) and not LaVeyan Satanism when he references VB.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satanism [wikipedia.org]

Atheism (1)

Davemania (580154) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144829)

I take it Atheism would be binary ... quickly hides

Hinduism would have been better as Fortran (1)

G3ckoG33k (647276) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144835)

Hinduism would have been better as Fortran.

It is truly old and the polytheistic setting for the monotheistic precursor to all other monotheistic religions, Zoroastrianism!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zoroastrianism [wikipedia.org]

Oh (1)

mcwolfzhang (845884) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144857)

to an atheist is hard

how about (1)

poetmatt (793785) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144919)

How about "If OS's were religions"?

Christianity = Windows
Judaism = OSX
Atheism/Agnosticism = Linux

bullcrap (1)

unity100 (970058) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144925)

PHP would be Cafeteria Christianity - Fights with Java for the web market.

fights ?

as a developer doing contract website jobs, and as a web host owner that hosts many small business and individual sites i can say that 'dominance' is nowhere near java. we are swimming in a sea of php.

granted, i know that in medium business and up corporate levels, there are many websites that use java, and if someone is in or near those circles, may take the picture differently, but i assure you it isnt the case in reality.

an average box web hosts use generally houses 100 to 300 different websites for clients, and you can tell that we are swimming in a sea of php/mysql as far as the public, small businesses and people are concerned. its to the extent that some clients may not know alternatives exist, or even do not care.

Would this make ... (1)

iaamoac (206206) | more than 5 years ago | (#26144973)

... assembler programmers to be atheists?

Fortran? (1, Interesting)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#26144989)

What about Fortran? I can't think of an appropriate religion to match it. Any ideas?
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